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DAMN IT!!!!!

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't I get her out of my head?! I'm trying to move on with my life, but I can't shake the memories out my head. I still love her, even though I know she probably doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. It's been 2 months now and I still feel as if there's no escape from this state of mind I'm in. I'm not depressed, yet I'm not happy. I'm not angry, yet I'm not at peace. It's as if I'm stuck in some sort of limbo with my emotions I just can't escape it. If only every problem had an automatic solution to it. And I still can't wrap my brain around any of it. It just doen't add up. How do you go from loving somone, or even being in love, to breaking their heart and acting as if everything is just fine and dandy? I don't want to be mad or resent her, but I don't know what to do anymore. I try and I try, but when so much effort is put forth into building up a relationship and making it work just to see it crumble apart so fast, wonders what the fuck you were doing in the first place. I shouldn't be writing this, but there's no other way to get it out. I can't really talk to anyone about because no one can really relate to my situation. God, please make all this pain and hurt go away. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I need a release. I need some clarity. I'm tired of heartbrake. I'm tired of giving my all. I'm tired of giving my heart and soul to someone just to have them stomp all over it like it dust on the ground. I just want to be free, happy, and feel alive again.

Writer's Block: Historian's Choice

If you could live in any era of history, which one would you choose?
If I could choose to live in any era of history I would have to choose living in Japan during the time of the samurai. I've always been fascinated by Japanese culture, but the real culture not the technologically dependent culture of today. The way the samurai lived was simple, yet fulfilling. Living by the sword, sworn to protect honor, and living with the warrior spirit is something that intrigues me.

Writer's Block: Significant Change

Have you ever tried to change yourself for someone you were in a relationship with (or wanted to be in a relationship with)? Did it work?
Changing yourself in order to make someone fall for you is not the way to go. Being true to yourself is the best option you have. If a person can't take the time to get to know the real you, then that person isn't worth your time. Changing your character would mean you having to lie to yourself as well as lying to the person you wish to be with. Not a particularly good way to start a relationship. Always be true to yourself, and the one who will remain true to you will reveal themselves in due time.  



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June 2009


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